failure

I never thought I could bring myself to call you that.

Today, you proved to me, that you are indeed a failure.

I’ve not given up hope on you yet, but you showed me that real losers existed.

I’m beyond disappointed. I’m not angry, and I’m not even hurt, but I’m mad. I’m raging mad to the point where words transform to tears. You make me feel like I’ve failed as a kin.

I expected this already. Since last year, when you attended Muay Thai, when you hung out with fucktards and got yourself into typical relationship problems. I knew it. You and girls. One day it’ll boil down to this.

I don’t understand how our two saviours could see this as a blessing. No doubt, it’s a blessing that you realized the shit you put yourself in.

I just felt that it wasn’t enough. It also fucking sucks that I care the most about you, compared to those who should give more than a damn.

Pushed me away when I offered you help, shoved me aside and throw me your sickening attitude, here’s your results. Everything has come to light young one.

Maybe if you disciplined yourself, put in a little more effort and ignore filthy women, you could have done better. Even your teacher claimed that you’re an A student, you just lost your way somewhere.

Reminiscing how I was Sec 4, my brother and I are total opposites. Call me a closet geek but I don’t care. Whatever happens, I always placed my academics first. In 2010, I found out that my ex cheated on me thrice. Kindness got the better of me, and I never learnt how to let go, thus, holding on to a worthless relationship.

Coping up with the big Os was tough, but I pretended I knew nothing and made sure I worked doubly hard to meet my own expectations. My parents never forced me to study, not even once. However, they stressed the importance of graduating with a certificate that I’d never regret about. During that period of time, my ex kept me in the dark about his betrayal secrecy and guided me along the arduous journey. I graduated with 8 points, and I was really satisfied. 

Then again, most good things come to an end. I had a tough break-up with him after two tries of getting back together. With the guilt building up, he insisted on walking away from me. The post break-up session was worse, I became suicidal. After a few months, I realized how naive I was and how his absence was actually a blessing. 

Following a 7 months break I was attached with another bastard. Ended everything after 3 months. Right now, I found someone better and life has been great ever since.

You can’t take one relationship to find the right person, some people take forever. As for me, I’m contented with the life Ryan has given me. At least I’ve not lost entire hope in love yet.

So brother, if you’re going to let a girl dominate your studies and life, and bring trouble to the entire home, please wake up. You’re still young, LOVE CAN WAIT.

Suddenly everything becomes a mess. Home, school, self.